The HR Diet

Have you heard about the new HR Diet?

It doesn’t guarantee that you’ll lose weight or that you won’t gain weight but you can bet it will keep you hopping!

See below.

Sharon


[SIZE=4][B]Day 1[/B][/SIZE]

[B]6:00 am[/B]
6 ounces of orange juice, freshly squeezed of course
1 small bowl of oatmeal with 1-2 teaspoons of brown sugar
2 slices of whole wheat toast

[B]8:00 am[/B]
Someone in Sales brought in doughnuts. You do not partake. Instead, you diligently continue with your research on salary ranges for R & D positions, and the CEO’s executive assistant. (She’s been grumbling, to others of course, about not getting paid enough and she knows this because she found her position on salary.com.)

[B]9:00 am[/B]
You walk through the marketing department and, low and behold, it’s someone’s birthday, and there’s cake! Again, you do not partake. (And, it was chocolate with chocolate icing.) You ignore the celebration and keep on trucking to customer service. You’ve been asked by the manager to sit in on a disciplinary meeting with his problem employee, who likes to blame everything on everyone else, and is good at it.

[B]10:00 am[/B]
You’re headed back to your office when all *&^%$ breaks loose.

Fred in Shipping has picked a fight with Jimmy in Receiving because he’d just found out that Jimmy has been going out with Marilyn on Tuesdays (Fred’s bowling night). Somehow, you manage to restore order and suspend both of them pending an investigation, and you notice you now have a tear in your best sweater.

Back at your office, Marge in Accounts Payable has a problem with her supervisor, Harry, because Harry is moving her away from her cubicle next to Gloria because they talk too much. What Marge doesn’t know is that Gloria asked Harry to move Marge because she can’t stand Marge but doesn’t want her to know that so she asked Harry to say they were talking too much instead. Marge’s cubicle is next to the window and Harry doesn’t know that Gloria has had her eye on it for some time.

Madelyn drops by to let you know she has to have surgery and needs FMLA, but doesn’t know much about it and needs you to explain it to her – in detail – all of it - twice.

You realize that the morning is slipping away and you still need to get that report on staffing completed. You open up Excel and can’t find the file you thought you saved yesterday afternoon, the one with the spreadsheet that you spent about 2 hours putting together so you rush to IT and beg them to retrieve the file. They can’t.

Back in your office, you’re franticly digging for your stats on staffing for last month and then realize you shredded them after entering the data into the spreadsheet yesterday.

[B]1:00 pm[/B]
You have a meeting – that you set up, so you can’t duck it – with the event planning committee about the summer employee event.

Francis, who simply can’t get it in her head that it’s impossible to provide a sit-down dinner for 500 ees and their significant others on a budget of $2,000, keeps insisting that we have to do something special this year because last year all we did was grill hot dogs and burgers in the parking lot.

Gloria, remember Gloria, wastes 10 minutes of everyone’s time babbling about how nice the view from her cubicle window is today. You bite your tongue.

[B]2:00 pm[/B]
Meeting over, you can finally run out and get a sandwich (you forgot to bring your lunch and your snack stash is empty because you haven’t been to the grocery store in 2 and a half weeks). But, no, Molly, the CEO’s assistant, pokes her head in the door to let you know he needs that staffing report by the end of today because he’s going to take a vacation day tomorrow and wants to review it while sailing.

[B]3:00 pm[/B]
In the middle of reconstructing the staffing report, Jill, your 14 year old, calls and asks if she can stay over at her friend’s house tonight. Tomorrow is a school holiday so please, please, please can she stay over? You cave. But at least now you can get to the grocery this evening.

[B]4:00 pm[/B]
Molly calls. Where is that report!?! "Almost done," you say, smiling. Forty five minutes later, you take the report upstairs and hand it over, daydreaming about a nice long bath in a quiet house - tonight. When the, everybody loves him, CEO sprints by, grabs the staffing report, heads out the door, and then pops back in and asks you to email to him the salary increases report (wasn’t due til next week) first thing in the morning.

[B]5:00 pm[/B]
You pass though Marketing and see one, small, dried up piece of cake. You eat it.

[B]7:00 pm[/B]
You’ve finished the salary increases report and emailed it as requested. As you leave the building, you pass through Sales and see half a doughnut. You eat it.

[B]7:30 pm[/B]
You’re at the grocery and they have no less than 5 free sample kiosks set up. You stop by every one. You ask for seconds because you’re not quite sure if you like that taste or not.

[B]8:30 pm[/B]
Home. You unload the groceries, turn on the TV and fall asleep.

[B]10:00 pm[/B]
You wake up and find chips and dip. You eat it – all.

[B]10:30 pm[/B]
You fall into bead exhausted.


[SIZE=4][B]Day 2:[/B][/SIZE]

6:00 am
6 ounces of orange juice
1 small bowl of oatmeal with 1teaspoon of brown sugar
2 slices of whole wheat toast, no butter

8:00 am
Someone in Accounting brought in … :)

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